Finding your tribe can be so damn hard when you don’t feel in alignment with anyone.
Bloggers certainly weren’t it for me. The cattiness, egotistical notions of writing books, and making their websites over to look exactly like other bloggers and thinking they can make money flogging products and becoming so inauthentic. Ugh! They are not my people.
Cookie cutter women telling me how I can be like them when I don’t look like them and they have no idea what my life is like or how I live definitely weren’t it for me. And they don’t suffer from the physical or medical issues I do and have husbands, kids, homes, careers, lives. They are not my people.
Other jewellery designers sort of were. It’s fine to follow the crowd when you’re selling product but it only gets you so far if you don’t broaden your horizons. They are only kind of my crowd.
Writers, also, sort of are. At least, at this point.
I don’t feel in alignment with a lot of people, especially women. Women have become more judgemental than ever before over stupid, inane shit. Reducing other women’s worth to their looks, something women used to complain about men doing, always boosting up instead of just listening.
Some women I really want to like, but I’m unable to get past the lies, hypocrisy and contradictions out of their mouths. I don’t align with a lot of Gen Ys and Zs, they’re not my people with their own judgmental bullshit. I’m in the middle of Boomers and Retirees and Ys and Zs. I’m stuck and I don’t like any of you. The only person I feel really in alignment with is Jackie Collins, and she’s been gone for eight years.
Maybe I’m just never meant to be part of a tribe, or in alignment with anyone, maybe I’m just meant to be a loner and all by myself, living on the outskirts of tribes and groups, taking what I need when I need it. I don’t know if that’s sad or not, considering all of the times I’ve been lonely and don’t have the ability to get out and make friends. You don’t as a carer. Or whether it’s just that I’m sick of being screwed over by people, even those who claimed to be friends, and I’ve just learned my lesson and don’t want/need anyone in my life on that level. Maybe I should just try and live up to Jackie and live my life that way. Bonkbustingly awesome.
It’s really hard to find your tribe. Just when you think you’ve found it, you realise those people are nothing like you, so you go in search and find another tribe, and think, this is more like it. Until you realise those people are nothing like you, so you go in search and find another tribe, and another, and another, and another, until you realise one day that you just don’t fit into any tribe and maybe you’re just not meant to. And that’s okay, too. So the only thing to do is make your own tribe of one and belong to it with everything you are.