I’ve thought about this for the last few years and could never quite put my finger on why.
When I followed “mummy bloggers” and other variants last decade, I noticed there was a trend. They all started off telling women they should love themselves, love their cellulite, the way they looked, blah, blah, blah. About eighteen months into that, they took a sidestep and then started telling women it was okay to give themselves permission.
I’ve heard, and read, the terms, “girls, we need to give ourselves permission”, “women need to give themselves permission”, “you need to give yourself permission”.
For many years that term, “give yourself permission” grinded my gears. It made me feel ick inside and I didn’t know why until over the Christmas holidays.
Why women are constantly telling women we need to give ourselves permission is beyond me, but after the atrocious behaviour towards women last October in certain middle eastern countries I refuse to ever visit, it was made crystal clear why I hate the phrase and it makes me feel ick.
Because for centuries, and decades, women NEEDED permission from men to do anything. To open bank accounts, go out shopping, get a loan, get married, get divorced, be a mother, get a job. It continued that way until just a few decades ago, and continues in many countries now.
In many middle eastern and Muslim countries, Afghanistan comes to mind, women are still treated like garbage. They need permission to do everything. They cannot travel anywhere without a man, whether their father, uncle, cousin, friend. They cannot remove their religious garb in public, cannot dance, sing, play sport, finish their schooling. They are stoned, burnt, beaten, raped because they are women, because they didn’t get permission, because they didn’t do as they were told.
Stop telling women to give themselves permission. It’s degrading, condescending, and archaic. And in many societies they cannot, and it’s still used against women in the many countries where men still rule the roost.
To the women who feel the need to control other women, I tell you this. This is 2024, I don’t need your goddamn permission. I don’t even need my own permission. I’m not a child, I’m a fifty year old adult human female and I don’t need anyone’s fucking permission.
And ultimately, it’s fucking childish and controlling and you do not control me, or others.
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